Make Routines, Not Resolutions
It’s that time of year where we are all charged up to start anew. We start thinking of what sort of changes we want to make in our life and what we hope the new year will bring. We tend to start the New Year with lofty resolutions, goals and expectations. Of course, there are always those few who remarkably stick to their plan and achieve their goals, but more often than not, we tend to go strong the first few weeks and then our motivation slowly fades. Perhaps, it’s because we don’t see results as quickly as we’d like or maybe we overshot our expectations and it simply wasn’t realistic. Why is it so hard to change or improve?
Our ability (or inability) to make meaningful changes boils down to our daily habits. So much of what we want and the kind of person we want to be is tied to our daily habits. We often do things without thinking about it, because it’s so engrained into our routine. So, how can we set ourselves up for success when we want to make changes? How we can we set goals and achieve them?
I want to share a few techniques that have helped me develop new habits and also a few techniques that I learned from James Clears “Atomic Habits” book. If you enjoy this post, then I would highly recommend reading his book in its entirety. This is one of the few books I’ve read that gives actionable steps to making changes in your life.
Start Small
It’s great to have many goals and healthy habits that you want to start doing, but it can get overwhelming quickly. It’s hard enough to work every day, work out, take care of the kids or cook a decent meal each day. Adding more things to the list, can easily be the first things to go since they aren’t part of our daily routine. Therefore, make incremental changes to make it manageable. Start so small, that’s its hard to say no to and overtime you can increase how often or how long you do something.
For example, let’s say you want to start waking up at 5:30 AM (one of my current goals) and you are currently waking up at 7 AM. Start setting your alarm 15 minutes earlier one week and slowly increase that to 30 minutes the next week. Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier each week until you get to your desired time.
Another example - you want to start running. Let’s be clear - no one is a runner on their first day, week or even month when they start out. Try walking first, once you’ve got that down, try running for five minutes or half a mile and slowly increase that over time.
Starting small will help you to just get started. That’s all you really need to do at first. Showing up is the hardest part, so start there. And as it becomes part of your daily routine, then you can start making adjustments along the way. The little things compound over time and before you know it you’ve made a lifestyle change.
Attach the Habit to Something You’re Already Doing
You may not want to believe it, but we tend to lead very predictable lives. We often do the same things (or partake in the same habits) each day. So, it’s helpful to tie a new habit to something you’re already doing. Not only will it help you remember to incorporate it into your daily life, but it will also feel like it doesn’t get in the way of things since you’re making it part of something you’re already doing.
For example, every morning I wake up and go straight to the kitchen to brew coffee. I do not want to stop this habit, but I would like for coffee to not be my first beverage of the day. Instead, I would like to have my athletic greens shake first. So, I’ll tell myself - first I’ll drink a glass of athletic greens, THEN, I’ll have my cup of coffee. It also acts as a reward system, because I still get to do the thing I want, but I’m combining it with a habit that I want to start.
“The holy grail of habit change is not a single 1% improvement, but a thousand of them. It’s a bunch of atomic habits stacking up, each one of a fundamental unit of the overall system.”
Accountability Helps
We show up for work, because there are consequences if we don’t. We tend to keep to our commitments, because we don’t want to disappoint others if we flake. We owe ourselves that same level of accountability. Enlist a friend in helping you stay accountable. If you like checking that box off a list, then write down the things you want to do each day. Set up alerts in your phone to remind you of your new habit. If you want to workout in the mornings, have your workout clothes laid out the night before. If you’re like me, guilt can take me a long way. It might not always be the healthiest motivator, but if I’ve given myself all of these visual cues then it’s usually enough to get me started.
Plan for Failure
We are part of a “quick fix” culture - we want abs in 30 days and a list of 5 things to give us happiness. This can only set us up for failure. Sometimes, these “quick fixes” can help us get the ball rolling, but when we don’t get results in the allotted time, we become disappointed or just give up. It’s also very easy for “life to get in the way.” Some days we might forget or not have time to practice our new habits or to stop old ones. Give yourself some self-compassion and start again the next day. It’s better to do it badly than to not do it at all. This will gives us the freedom to make mistakes along the way, but not be hindered by our fear of failure.
Make Routines not Resolutions
Creating new habits or stopping old ones isn’t easy. It takes time to change behavior, but we are all capable of change. Instead of focusing on the outcome, focus on the process and enjoy it. Often, we tie our happiness to the goals that we’ve set and this has a the tendency to set us up for failure. If we are constantly delaying our happiness, then we are never living in the here and now and appreciating what’s in front of us or the small things that we are already doing that make us happy. The real goal then is to not only let your future self envision happiness - it’s to let your present self have some as well. Don’t delay your ability to feel happy in only achieving a goal - you can also feel it while you’re doing the small tasks that get you to that goal.
Setting goals is an incredible thing, but it’s really about making lifestyle changes. Start creating routines instead of resolutions. Become intentional about how you spend your time each day and what you choose to give your energy to. We can all make remarkable changes once we become intentional about the habits we cultivate on a daily basis.
“Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress.”
Brooklyn Milner, LISW-CP
Charleston, SC Therapist